Acceptance, the creator of insecurity and pride

    

 Why do we strive for acceptance when we are already accepted?  Why do we try to be what others want us to be and give up on becoming who we were meant to be?  Is it really worth it to be loved in this world by being someone you're not?  We have all thought about these questions at one time or another.  Each person in this world longs for acceptance, longs for people to love them for who they are, and for what they believe in.  However, I beg the question, does the acceptance of people in this world truly matter?  If it does, prepare for a life that fluctuates between  pride and insecurity?
     Pride and insecurity run together.  They aren't two completely different entities hanging out on their own.  Pride masks the insecurity that we hide beneath.  It is only a short walk down the road.  The safe neighborhoods and the scary streets all reside in the same town.  The only difference is the opinion of those around you.
     Growing up I was not the most popular kid in school, actually, I was far from it.  I was the kid that wouldn't shut up.  The kid with the super high-pitched voice that probably thought he had more real friends then he did.  I'd act fine at school, but was constantly questioning myself at home.  What can I do to be cool?  What can I say to make them like me?  How do I become popular?  I did everything I could to be who I thought they wanted me to be, the only problem was, I stopped being me.  I stopped being the kid that cared about others.  I stopped hanging out with people because my "friends" didn't like them, or my "friends" thought they were weird.  I skipped one of my best friends birthday parties because he wasn't in my new crowd.  I swore all the time and acted better than people.  I lost myself in striving to be accepted.
     Luckily, this story was a long time ago and I began to realize that these people weren't my friends.  They didn't care about me, or about who I was.  I realized that the acceptance I had gained only masked the feelings I still had inside.  I was prideful about where I was, but my insecurity grew in the midst of me becoming someone I didn't know.  A person that lived for the affirmation of people.  Hoping for them to validate who I was.  To tell me I had made it, that I was cool.  That I was something.  It never happened.
     The problem is that these stories still happen today, as an adult.  We live in a world searching for someone that will say: "You're great, I'm proud of you, keep it up."  Someone that will instill in us a humble confidence to keep moving forward.  A freedom to be ourselves and not worry about what others think.  Now don't get me wrong, there are great people, role models/mentors, and friends in this life, but we shouldn't be looking to them for acceptance.  That searching/looking leads us in so many different directions that all lead to the same problem: Pride and Insecurity.
     Christ gives us a different way.  In Him we are a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come.  We are free.  Free to be who He created us to be.  Free to let go, free to trust, free to live.  When we place our security and trust in Him He will take our insecurity and become our security.  He will take our pride and change it into a humble confidence in Him and who He is and teach us to stop relying on our own abilities.  When we rely on Christ we realize that we are made perfect in our weakness through Him, which allows us to be confident individuals as we walk throughout life, being ok in our insecurities through the security of Him.

Can I have just a taste? Why God tells us to flee from sin

Have you ever felt like God is holding out on you?  Keeping things from you that seem so good?  Things you really want?   Asking God the question: "Why can't I have that, why can't I look at that?  Why do people who don't follow you get to enjoy themselves, while I am missing out?"  Why is getting drunk bad if I'm with my Christian brothers and sisters.  Checking out girls is ok I'm not doing anything.  Swearing and telling dirty jokes is fine, I'm just being a cool Christian."  The problem with everything above is the mis-understanding of who God is and what sin does.

"So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."  2 Timothy 2:22
   
"Flee from sexual immorality..." 1 Corinthians 6:18

The reason God asks us to flee is because sin gives us a false hope.  Sin promises something that it can't deliver.  When you say to yourself: "it's ok for me to look at attractive women, I'm just looking."  You are actually taking the affection you have for your wife and placing it on someone else.  You're telling your mind that your wife is not enough.  You are putting another image in her place.  As small as it may seem, it's lust and it's selfish.

The root of all sin is self.  Our evil desires allow us to be drug away and enticed.  Sin is an inward focused thing.  It goes directly against what God calls us to, no matter how big or small we think it is.  It keeps us from being outward focused.  Either guilt and shame will hold us captive or our lack of recognition of the 'small' sins will keep us from truly living for Christ. 

Therefore, we must let the light shine on our lives and stop hiding in darkness and fear, or in a place of 'it's no big deal'.  To live for Jesus, we must stop looking at how to avoid sin or seeing how much we can get away with, but start asking ourselves the question: "Is what I'm doing honoring Christ and furthering His kingdom?"  When we do this, the worry about God withholding goes away, because the selfish desire that sin presents is revealed as what it truly is: A lie that satan tries to cover in false truth.

Scars...why must we be reminded of our pain?

Looking at my right quad I can see a faint oval shape about 4 inches long.  I can barely see it now, but it's a reminder of a painful event in my childhood.  When I was young, my dad had a motorcycle, I can't remember what kind, but I can remember the loud sound of the motor and him rolling in from work.  He'd pick me up and put me on it and I'm sure I was thinking I was driving it!  One day, however, I went into the garage after my dad came into the house.  I saw the bike in all it's shining glory.  I had to get on it.  I walked over to it, and though I don't remember how I tried to get on or how I fell, I do remember the intense pain.  I remember screaming in the doctor's office.  I remember seeing blisters on my leg and holding a wet rag over it.  Every time I see that scar I remember the pain as my leg hit that muffler and the long healing process afterward. 

The scars of our lives give us an opportunity to glance back.  They are reminders of things that once were.  Of who we once were.  Of times that we hated, but times that we made it through.  That God brought us through.  They give us a chance to remember the pain we went through.  A chance to remember the healing and a chance to remember why we don't want to go through it again.  However, I sometimes struggle to look at my scars in a healthy way.  I don't want to be reminded of them.  I don't want to ever see them again.  I regret having them.  Why do I need to go back and look at them?  Those times were difficult, can't I just keep looking forward?  Do I need to see it again?  Do I need to be reminded?  These are constant questions when I'm led to look back.

I've begun to realize, however, that God doesn't bring us back to painful memories to just frustrate us.  He never wants us to have to go there again and he definitely doesn't want us to dwell there.  He brings us back so that we can see how we've gone forward.  God does heal, but sometimes we forget about how far He has brought us.  We forget how far down the path we had gone, the painful outcomes, and the healing done.  We need to be reminded.  As our life continues and our scars fade we can forget about where we were.  It's times like these that we need to look at our scars and the pain that 'caused them and remember that God is the reason we are where we are.

Lifestyles: Management over Authenticity

     Speaking with a friend the other day, I began to think about the differences between the life of management that I live and what it would look like to live authentically.  The discussion stemmed on the fact that I had been struggling with reverting back to an old way of life.  That with all the commotion going on in my world, (Moving and Buying a home) old struggles had begun to crop back up in my life and I didn't know what to do.  How do I come to grips with the fact that I deal with a nature that goes against what I'm aiming for; a part of me that I don't want to be there?
     I live a life of management, I try to make my life look pretty.  I don't allow people to see what I'm going through as I smile and crack jokes to keep things on the surface.  I can spit out Christian verbage, quote from the Bible, or have "deep" and meaningful conversations...just don't ask me what is really going on.  As much as I feel as though this is an individual problem within myself, I believe we all carry this burden.  This built in thought of: "I can't let them really see what's going on in my soul".  We live in a world of fear of being known, a world we try to control but really can't, a world of dilemma.  If I let people see what's beneath the surface they may not stick around, but if I don't...what happens then? 
     Management comes with consequences.  Trying to manage the unmanageable causes us to live a life of guilt, shame, and frustration.  You see, sin can't be managed.  It can't be put in this box and made to look pretty, it leads to death.  It keeps us from freedom.  One of the biggest misconceptions of sin is that allowing a little in is no big deal.  Nothing is little, each action leads to another and what we are allowing in our minds and hearts is shaping us.  Can an alcoholic have one drink without wanting more?  "Small" sin leads our hearts deeper into the darkness, farther into a place that we can't control, a place so dark we don't want anyone to know.  So we hide in our smiles, our jokes, and our fun, as we teeter on the edge of a cliff hoping not to fall.
     As a kid I loved the game hide and seek, I'd try and find a place no one could find me, a closet, under the bed, behind the couch (I was never that good :) ).  I had a blast...unless no one found me.  After a few minutes if I couldn't hear any voices or noises I would start to get scared.  I'd get worried that they had forgotten about me.  I thought I was going to be alone forever, that if I didn't cry out and tell them where I was they would leave me there...  No one truly wants to be alone, we don't truly want to hide forever.  Every time I hide I'm hoping someone digs deeper and truly finds what is going on.     
     So why hide?  There's no reason to.  God calls us to carry each other's burdens, to share in this walk together.  To be authentic.  God wants us to be known, to allow ourselves to be known.  He already knows what's going on deep inside of us and He loves us the same everyday, we can't hide from that.  Sharing our sins and struggles with others can be scary.  Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves, but in that protection we are chaining ourselves to a wall in the prison of our souls, never to be let free...  Authenticity is the key.  Let Yourself Be Known.