From Beginning to Now...What I've Learned From 3 Years of Marriage

     I can't believe it.  It's August 13th, 2014.  3 years ago, as a 24 year old, I married the woman of my dreams.  She couldn't get any better.  She was perfect.  She was the embodiment of true beauty.  More wonderful on the inside then all she had to offer outside (which was a lot, she gorgeous :) ).  Kind, compassionate, loving, caring, sweet, great friend, and warm are just a few ways she would be described.  I was getting the whole package and, I'm assuming, she thought she was too.
     In reality, I did get the whole package and it came with all of the above, but it also came with more and I know (ABSOLUTELY) she would say the same thing about me.  You see, marriage is so much more than what you bargained for going in.  No matter how much we prepare for it, it is truly a unique experience.  Two broken humans willingly mingle their broken lives together during a time when the brokenness is on the peripheral due to the infatuation with each other.  It's an interesting phenomenon to think you've shared your whole soul with someone while you were dating only to find out that the breaking down and chiseling is only beginning.   
     So I write this today to share my experience.  To share what I've learned and am still learning.  These past 3 years have been an adventure I would have never expected, but am blessed to have been a part of.  A journey, with the woman I love, to deeper depths of struggle and joy that I didn't believe possible.  I am a blessed man today to still be married to the love of my life, through the incredible grace of Christ.
     And to honor 3 years, the only (j/k) 3 things I have learned over 3 years of marriage:

1.) You are more selfish then you think you are

     -I'm not trying to call you out, I promise, but really I am :).  If marriage only taught me one thing in three years it is this.  I went in thinking I was a pretty thoughtful, loving, and caring guy.  I did nice things for Natalie, cooking for her and writing love notes, and thought they would easily continue when we got married.  They did, for a little while, but as the excitement of marriage wore off (and it will for everyone at one time or another) I began to do them less and less and started to do more and more of what I wanted to do.  And my wife was left wondering where her romantic prince had gone (yes I just called myself a romantic prince, haha).

2.) Speaking of excitement, it will wear off and real life will begin (true marriage)

     -God didn't create marriage for the excitement.  Yes this is part of it, especially in the beginning when you get to share knew things together (lots of fun new things), but it isn't the consistent reality.  Marriage is so much more then 10 days in Cabo (or for us Ixtapa).  It is the day to day conversations.  The 'how are yous?'.  The 'what's going on?'.  The real relationship.  When the excitement fades and the reality begins the true test of your marriage will come and, with lots of help from God, if you choose to grow together a new depth to your relationship will come as well.

3.) Marriage is better now then it was on day one

     -It is more difficult, it is more challenging, and it is more wonderful.  We have to work at it now and that's awesome.  Sometimes it does create more stress and sometimes it's harder, but I know if Natalie does something for me it took effort and sacrifice.  You see, in the beginning it's easy, because it doesn't cost you much, but that changes as you start to do life together.  When folding the laundry is what you choose to do, when you could be hanging with friends at the lake (I still need to listen to this more often).  Or doing the dishes (even though you hate it) because you know it means something to the other.  The sacrifices help to create the oneness that God desires, and in turn, it creates a joy/depth in your marriage that is hard to break.  Oh  and when natural excitement fades, you get to create your own.  You get to write bucket lists together, or watch 'your show'.  You create fun things to do together, and also the excitement begins to come from praying together or listening when someone had a tough day.  It comes from the day to day walk with the other.


I am very new to marriage, and am sure that I will look back on this one day and think, 'Man, I still had a long ways to go.'  But in the 3 years I've been blessed to be with Natalie, I have already grown more than in the 24 without her.